Difficult conversation

A difficult conversation is a dialogue addressing sensitive, controversial, or emotionally charged topics, often with the potential for conflict, discomfort, or disagreement.

Broadly, a difficult conversation is anything an individual finds hard to talk about. These types of conversations often require navigating complex social, emotional, and cognitive factors and active listening skills in order to foster productive communication and avoid misunderstandings, escalation, or relationship damage. In many cases, they may also require addressing power dynamics, historical context, or cultural differences in order to facilitate effective communication and avoid perpetuating harmful patterns of interaction.

Difficult conversations are often characterised by the presence of competing goals, values, or interests between the parties involved. They also have the potential for triggering deep-seated emotions, beliefs, or personal vulnerabilities, making them uncomfortable and hard to initiate. Even everyday topics can provoke anxiety, especially when self-esteem or close connections are at risk.

People often perceive a conflict between honesty and kindness in difficult conversations, overestimating the harm of truth-telling, although careful honesty can strengthen trust. Fear of anger, shame, or saying the wrong thing also frequently prevents open dialogue, particularly around sensitive issues such as race.

As a result, it is common for people to procrastinate, backpedal, and dodge to avoid having difficult conversations, a phenomenon known as the “MUM effect,” where people withhold unpleasant messages to avoid discomfort. Avoidance may feel safer, allowing individuals to believe they have not done harm by withholding information, but it often blocks feedback and undermines understanding. Avoidance is also used in sensitive contexts to prevent saying something that could be misinterpreted.